by Scott Creighton
Meet me in the crowd people
Yes, the papers and the talking heads on the puppet channels are all breathlessly announcing the start of the most joyous time of the year: Commerce Season!
Oh what will tiny Timmy do if you don’t buy him a new Iphone? He can’t tie his shoes or throw a ball and he still “believes in Santa” (wink wink), but if he doesn’t get some new high dollar tech to show off to his equally vapid friends, he’ll be scarred for life, cast out from his social circles, mocked and shunned, his development stunted beyond repair… he wastes no time telling you thus over his Fruity Pebbles at breakfast, sippy cup in hand, pausing for dramatic effect like the kids on the commercials teach him to do.
Tiny Timmy is 26, a virgin and still lives at home.
Black Friday, so named because only black people used to have to work on it, gets more holiday hype in the good old U.S. of A. than July the 4th.
So much so, it’s bleeding over into Thanksgiving (the day we celebrate the “humanitarian intervention” of the indigenous people of North America for freedom and democracy and all that shiny happy stuff people dig so much). It’s the day that was too big to be contained by a day.
The day that is Too Big Too Fail.
Yes folks… GoBuySomeShinyShit Day upon us and it is now TWO DAYS and a WEEKEND (and then a Monday after that since so many are out of work). And for that we must give thanks!
“Oh the crowds were so bad (translation: “yes, I was shopping”)”
“Oh I KNOW (translation: “me too!”)”
GoBuySomeShinyShit Day assimilated Thanksgiving like the neoliberals (i.e. “centrists” , “neocons” , “New Dems” , “Blue Dogs” , “Libertarians” , “Greens” , “democrats” , “republicans”) assimilated politics (and all that public money just sitting there) across the country. Just swallowed it up like sneaky Uncle Vinny swallows up all the Coors in the festive holiday cans.
They’re lining up at Kmart, they’re lining up at Walmart. All the deals on the new crap they don’t need is driving them mad with ambition. The serfs see themselves completed with a new Ipad or a gaming system, completed and vetted, they are or will be viable for all the world to see.
“See? I’m not a worthless slave. I have this new (fill in the blank)”
Give thanks my friends for tis is the season the marketeers who rule us take time out to actually market a product, a toy, a phone, a car, the illusion of independence, the farce of freedom.
Give thanks my friends for tis the season they take a break from marketing the icons, politicians, fables, lies and agendas they peddle throughout the year in order to service their one true God (Mammon) in another way.
Oh how the pilgrims would beam with pride to see the raving hordes rampaging through the aisles of the local Super Walmart, ransacking the shelves and center display piles of Chinese products, waving their shiny new credit cards like broadswords, commanding their overstuffed carts across the linoleum like gladiator’s chariots in a Roman Colosseum.
Everything must make way for commerce in the commercial world. You, me, our futures, our “rights”, the laws of physics, plain common sense… even holidays are fair game when the mergers and acquisitions lords worship the vile maxim.
Give thanks they haven’t stolen everything from you as of yet.
Give thanks you are still reasonably valuable to them as a working asset in their carefully constructed corporate pyramid scheme.
Give thanks the Supreme Leader’s death squads didn’t gun down your mother in the streets like a dog while your “elected” officials stood and applauded.
Give thanks that Pharaoh’s minister’s have yet to add your name to “The List”, for it is long and populated by translucent wraiths fading away like so many defiant souls wandering the desperate desolate streets of Gaza.
Yea, tis the great coming, the transformation of the new world. An order based on all the pleasant certainty Game Theory has to offer: you do what’s in your interests, forsaking all else, and the natural order of the plantation, of the occupation, of the liberation is achieved.
So give thanks my friends. The Great Experiment is over.
Go Shopping or the Terrorist WIN!
If you see a native American, punch him in the mouth. While he’s lying there tell him, “that’s for not having a nuclear deterrent back in 1492 you shiftless drunk!”
Then step over his stunned personage and go shopping like a REAL American. There are deals to be had.
After all, it’s GoBuySomeShinyShit Day and baby needs some new trinkets and beads. Catch the irony, my pale redskin brothers? Yeah, it used to be yours but you traded it away and this is what you got.
Brilliant.
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