by Rambo Bubba Butch Creighton
In what is perhaps the most disturbing investigative article I have ever had to write (the previous one had to be ‘ISIS Juggling Babies!‘)
It has come to my attention that Santa ended his route last night in Syria when he attempted to bring some toys for the little Syrian boys and girls but instead, got carjacked at the border by the dreaded “ISIS™” and has ended up being used by them in this latest despicable act of propaganda.
Apparently the British “ISIS™” guy said something about “Ho this, capitalist swine!” and lopped off Santa’s head with his dreaded plastic knife!
Though they didn’t actually show the beheading, no one dares question the authenticity of this image. NO ONE!!! It speaks for itself.
“Conspiracy theorists” have been quick to point out that the image itself looks like a cheap plastic lawn decoration and some really really bad Photoshop work.
Of course, to that I say (and you should as well because I say it): ‘Merika! You DAMN COMMIES!' That usually puts them in their place. If they continue to spout their lies, just shoot ‘em and repeat after me “he was comin right at me! I was afeared!”
Hell, it worked for Darren Wilson.
The despicable sooOOooOoooOoocialist conspiracy theorists claim this photo isn’t any more real than this previous image of dastardly “ISIS™” juggling babies. BABIES Goddamn it! Obviously that is a real photo. It’s real. It’s DAMN REAL!
Babies! and Santa! Support the troops right now! Cus… Jesus… and all that stuff.
Don’t share these photos because if you do, “ISIS™” wins. Just tell all your friends… “ISIS™” beheaded SANTA and Christmas next year is cancelled and make sure you tell your kids to and video them crying and put it up on Drudge or Fox or CNN or just Youtube or something.
That’ll be the next news story: “ISIS™” makes babies cry!
But for now, just soak in the horror. “ISIS™” whacked Santa so we need to bomb someone.
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